Authentically Mine

I have been keeping to myself the last week or so. Coming off this damn medication is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's no joke and nothing but the passing of time is going to help. I am making myself get out of the house every day and do something. Anything. Today even though I called it a week at work and took a sick day I managed to get out for a few hours and ended up with three pairs of spring shoes. It was the hardest shopping expedition I have been on in awhile.

I am now completely off of the Klonopin and Trazadone and have done it the "right" way, slowly tapering off of it with my doctor knowing about it. Whether or not we end up having a baby I want to be off of these meds. Being completely off of them feels great psychologically even if right now I feel terrible physically. I know it is just my body adjusting but man the headache the chills, all of it, yikes...It makes me a little mad at my doctor for not informing me more. I mean I had been an educated patient and I have read about the symptoms of coming off the medication but reading about it and really understanding it? A world of difference.

A few people have asked me why I don't call my doctor and tell her how much I have been struggling. Well, because I know she will try and prescribe me a medication (probably neurontin) to help me with some of the side effects of coming off of the klonopin and even if it will help I am feeling strongly right now that I do not want to put another pill in my body. As bad as I feel from the side effects of coming off of the klonopin I don't feel the anxiety (the reason I went on it). Basically I just want to get medication OUT of my system and nothing can help with that except time.

It is just baffling to me how it helped me so much but yet can be so "bad" in that it is so very hard to come off of. I am doing it but I never imagine I would feel so much and retreat so much. I guess it is just my body telling me to do what it needs to do which is rest and pamper myself a bit right now.