Authentically Mine

I've always been a thinker. My whole life I have enjoyed thinking over doing  - reading, writing - being in my books, my journals, my mind, more than playing sports, being super creative, running around outside. Thinking about this or that, what is or what might be, where I have been, where I am going and what will be.

Growing up everyone thought this was cute about me and it might have been then but honestly it is also exhausting. I am working on getting out of my own head more these days on just being, on having fun, on doing what needs to be done and not worrying about the rest.

If you know me you are laughing right now...I know I am too. Some parts of ourselves we just cannot change - but I am hopeful that I can bend who I am into a more productive direction.

I recognize that worry is a fruitless endeavor that wastes precious time and empties the now of all its fun and promise. So I know this about myself and rather than try to change who I am, I am trying to recognize when I am worried but not let it consume me - to distract myself with the wonder of now...with something concrete in the present.

No time is easier for me to do this then when I am with my niece. At nine months she is getting old enough to explore the world, and certainly to have her opinions - she LIKES bananas and applesauce, she is NOT fond of her potatoes with chunks. She is constantly seeing something new but never worried about what that means or what will be next. Even when she is being made to eat potatoes before getting her applesauce - she is not worrying "dang when I will I have to eat those again?" or "how I can avoid having to eat them again"....She has already moved on and is instead enjoying the applesauce.  When I step outside myself and look at the world from her point of view all she deals with is the RIGHT NOW. She never worries about the future - she doesn't know how yet..and she does not obsess about something that made her unhappy in the past.

As adults it is a bit trickier - we KNOW about the future but we cannot control much of it yet we ...I... fruitlessly try. So when I start to worry about things. I am going to take a look around and see what would make me happy in the moment - remind myself that I am safe, whole and loved - and enjoy the moment. Even as I write this I know it is at least a bit more complex than what I write but I am not sure how to articulate it. But for now I am not going to worry about it.

Happy Sunday.