Faith....
I have been holding off on taking the insulin for a few days – I could not bear dealing with a low – even now feeling better I am not looking forward to going back on it tomorrow. The numbers 1 unit of insulin for every 15 carbs just does not work consistently for me. The thing is no single number does work consistently so it is frustrating to me. I spoke with Dr. Endocrinologist today and she said that (before I stopped for a few days) my blood sugar numbers looked good, but that some of my fasting numbers 104 – 107 range were a little high and she might want to put me on a little insulin at night to bring them down to under 90. I worry so much about going too low at night and would much prefer NOT to go on insulin at night, so I want to try and bring those numbers down but I also hate feeling like I am emaciated from losing so much weight and tired of feeling hungry...so we will see how I can balance it out over the next week to eat more and take more insulin during the day to accommodate for the more food and also not be above 90 at fasting….hmmm.
The weight thing is really bothering me. My size 4 pants are too big! A size 2 at The Gap Outlet fit me snugly. Something about even getting close to a size 2 makes me uncomfortable. I know some women would die for it but I don’t like how thin I am.
I want to get pregnant don’t get me wrong and I am going to all that I can to be trying and to be as healthy as I possibly can but I am also scared about the what if’s of diabetes and the possibility of increased risks. I know I have to believe that everything will work out as it should. I know that all I can do it take the best care possible of me. But still it is scary and I wonder if I am strong enough. I guess am just feeling a little scared by the possibility of the risks by all the stuff I can’t control.
I know the answer to help calm my fears but knowing the answer and embodying it and living it are different things. The former is easier than the latter for me. Faith. I need to reclaim my body – readjust to insulin and remember to have faith in whatever powers or being out there that is larger than me. Faith that the world will work out as it should for me. Faith. Maybe if I chant it enough I can ingrain it in me and it will become easier to live it.
the literary mouse
in me, myself, and I, health, babies, diabetes
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5 Comments
Reader Comments (5)
Would keeping cheese snacks around - like mozzerella or cheddar cheese sticks/cubes help? These have calories of protein and some fat but next to no carbs. Also, check your area for low-carb stores - when atkins was big there were many of them but they have faded away. Still, there are some of these around and they have great tasty low/no carb snack items so you could keep some in your desk drawer, etc so you won't get hungry.
That must be so frustrating! If I could give you two of my sizes, I gladly would. You a six and me an 8, perfect!
Hey I'll pitch in two of mine too. :-) However, I do see your point and understand where you are coming from.
I'm always here if you need to vent.
Patience! I know it's tough. Right now I am trying to breakl out of the 170's and I am stuck. I know I need to keep on doing what I am doing and it will all shake out. And it will for you too. Hang in there. Hugs!!!!
Keeping good thoughts for ya...I know it's hard now..just try to hang in there.
I would love to give you one of my sizes and be back to a six again. Even at eight I'm getting a little snugged.